Thursday, June 26, 2008

Relaxation... does it exist?

I think many moms can relate to this story...
My couple of posts back I said that was angry/mad at everybody and its true. I find the usual stuff I let slide off my back ticks me off and my temper runs wild and out of control. I can feel my anger bubbbling up even as I try to control it, another matter would come up and would spark my anger and I'll simply blow up. As time goes by I find myself hankering for a little space and time to let my anger simmer down... but I'm realizing that its not as easy as I thought it was....

I would go to the mall and stroll around wanting to buy stuff, but my instinct to buy stuff will be controlled by my thought of my children's needs and the bills that need to be paid and I'll stop and stop myself, well generally leading to disappointment.

Or I would think to go to a salon or spa to relax and realize that money spent there would be better of spent for my kids needs. It's not very easy and its really becoming a sad note on my mind that there seem to be so many things to prioritize other than what I need or maybe want.

I would sometimes ask my family to leave me alone for a while but even as I lay alone I find myself thinking of things to be done, things that needs my attention and I find myself not enjoying but stressing again because of the responsibilities that awaits me outside our bedroom door.

Life here in this country is not easy, with the rising cost of living, gasoline, food, clothes, education of the children, everyday stuff, even as we continue to profit from our small business and my online activities, it's slowly but surely falling short of what we need in order to survive. And add to that the stress of naughty kids and nagging in laws, it more often than not gets to me and I feel like I'm gonna burst and have a breakdown...

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