Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Here we go again...

My mind is reeling. I didn't want to get mad again, but off it went again, my temper just gets hold and grabs tight. It just frustrates me sooo much...
My daughter is reeling getting me pissed. I want to let her be, give her space, let her grow and fail all on her own, but her schooling for me is very important and I want her to succeed in it, given that education is one of the best tools I can give her for her life. I don't want to pressure her, but the perfectionist in me, shall we say deems that I extract the most out of her.
I think her most common problem is lack of attention to detail. I mean, sometimes she spells, even her name, wrongly, how? By omitting, one letter or syllable, and if you ask her to check it, sometimes she can't find what's wrong, coz I think she just scans the page and not actually look at her writing, and I'm not sure how I can develop this sense in her, to check and double check her spellings and capitalization, most of her mistakes in her last examination was capitalization. She didn't capitalize proper names and stuff or place capital letters in the middle of a word, and it's so hard to instill in her mind the notion that it is not right, not to capitalize. Simple mistakes that could have been avoided if she would pay attention. I try to instill in her study habits, but given our situation here at home, where discipline is near to nil for the children, for those who don't know, we live in an extended household, together with my husband and two children, we live with my mother-in-law and my unmarried sister-in-law, and another sister-in-law and her family. All in all, there are a total of 5 children in the house. two 8 year olds (a niece and nephew), two 6 year old (my daughter and a nephew) and my son who is turning 3 in April. You can imagine how the household is, with 5 children, 4 studying we have 2 in second grade and 2 in kindergarten. When I try to discipline my daughter, forbid her to watch tv or play computer, she would ask me, bakit si kuya john or bakit si ate mae, pwede, ako hindi? (Why is it kuya (a term used to depict an older male sibling/relative) John or Ate (this one is for the female version) Mae is permitted and not me? Or if I ask her to take a nap in the afternoon, she would reason out, "mom, I'm not sleepy, beside kuya john too is not sleeping." She would often compare herself with her cousins and what they can and cannot do, sometimes it drives my back to the wall and it just frustrates me, and I end up lashing at her, I try not to, but sometimes, I can't control it, specially when she is being so unreasonable. Sometimes I just want to let her be, if she fails in class and so be it, I remember when I was studying I didn't get no help from my own mom, but the parent in me refuses, specially nowadays when life is so different from when I was growing up. AAARRRGGGGGG!!!!!! Sometimes I wish life would just stop, even for just a minute.

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