Saturday, May 07, 2005

Worse Day

Yesterday was the worse day of my life i think.
I started out not feeling well and it just escalated, with frustrations and anger and sadness and everything else come together. I really was so down.

Hannah made so furious, that I couldn't do anything else but just cry and Rhandy who always seem to be out of synch just wasn't any help.

With the both of them giving me grief. I really had a bad time. I cried almost all day and nothing I do seem to stem the flow of tears of frustration.

Yesterday everything all just came down on me, one full swoop. I was hurting real bad. I felt so unhappy. Hannah with her hard headedness, I don't know how to quell and Rhandy with his I don't care attitude and thoughtlessness just made me so unhappy. Blame it on my hormones, who haven't gone back to normal yet or whatever, I really was feeling depressed, I was thinking it was post partum depression or something. I felt real tired and so out of synch plus really just staying at home for the last couple of years really not facing anything but problems and really not doing anything much. I surf the internet, try to learn a couple of things but nothing really seem to satisfy me and it really is making me frustrated that I can't seem to get satisfied and nothing I do ever seem to go right. I just want to be able to really go out and enjoy myself, no worries. I want to be able to travel at leisure and go out whenever I want but life hasn't given me that chance yet. i am hoping to do so by the time I turn 35. That's 5 years from now. I hope to have settled enough. and saved enough money to be able to enjoy time on my own or not worry about money that I need to check on my expenses.

hmm.... ramblings ramblings, I just really need to get some thoughts out and this is the best I can do. ramble on and type away my frustrations.

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