Friday, May 01, 2015

Nothing...

My mind is wandering... going towards the edges of my sanity and hoping to jump and finally lose itself... 

LOL

I feel like my mind is all drained and seems like all the juices have run out. I'm in front of my computer hoping to get something written as a deadline fast approaches but my mind is a myriad of thoughts, feelings and what have you's and I stare at the screen hoping something will pop out and I will be able to write freely... continuously like I did before...

Things are popping in my head that I want to write but it's nothing about what I'm supposed to be writing about, so I decided to open my blog and just type what's on my mind.. just let it flow, finally unburden my full head so there'll be room for more thoughts... Wuuuttt!!!!! My mind is screaming for a rest, but I can't knowing full well that resting isn't an option lest my family go hungry... 

I pray continuously for God to guide me, for the Holy Spirit to lead me to where I need to go, but I'm tired... tired of wanting to fit in.. tired of trying to please everybody, yea, everybody but myself. 

My mind says no, but my mouth says yes. My heart refuses but my hand reaches out. I want to give up... but responsibilities beckon and I know they need to be filled. I know myself full enough to know that I won't give up, that here I'll stay even though a good percentage of me wants to leave. I know that regardless of what happens, even if it breaks my spirit, I will stay... I will strive... and hope that one day... one day I might just have what I want... 

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