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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

on beIng a MOM


We recently discovered that one of our nieces (actually Rhandy's niece) was pregnant and is actually about to give birth (her due is on the 23rd of this month). She is only 18 and she don't got a boyfriend,so speculation on who the father is, well is that.. speculation. She has a very hard head and a harder heart and refuses to tell who the father is.

Anyways, I'm not really gonna talk about her (that much :P), but that information made me think, of what it takes to be a "good" mom. I have a daughter (Hannah) and I fear that this kind of thing might happen to her when she grows older. So it really made me think what kind of a mother am I. Will my daughter end up like that. Or will my way of raising her even affect her decisions when she becomes an adult? I never really gotten to spend much time with the mom of our pregnant niece, but part of me, blames her for what happened to her daughters, yes, that's in the plural, coz the elder sister of this niece also gotten pregnant out of wedlock. I mean, I think what kind of a mother was she that two of her daughters end up that way? How was these children brought up that they think that these things happening is ok. I know that being a mom, a mother is not easy, especially with not so easy kids. Me? I'm far from being a good mom, much more a perfect one. But I know I try my best. And I think, what kind of a mother my niece would become when she is herself is still a child. I had my first child when I was 26 and even then I wasn't sure that I was ready to become a mom much less an 18 year old girl.

What does it really take to be a good mom? I try to discipline Hannah as much as I can but outside forces, like grandma's, aunts, uncles, cousins, even television, hamper that discipline. I really do believe in the saying that to spare is the rod is to spoil the child. I really do believe that. But as much as possible I try not to spank her, just try to explain things to her and try to have her explain to me why she did certain things. More often than not it kinda works for us so I don't really have to revert to more severe punishments. I want Hannah to grow up and be a good person but sometimes I fear that I am not doing enough or that I'm not doing the right thing for her. When I see her to bad stuff, it makes me think that i might have be doing something wrong for her to have done that. Sometimes I question my ways with her. Am I too lenient or am I too strict? Here at the house I call myself the 'terror aunt', when I was in school and we encounter strict teachers, we call them 'terror teachers', but now I'm the terror aunt, there are 4 kids in all here at the house, well 5 now, I guess, but Raiden still doesn't need that much discipline, so he doesn't count yet. Anyways, there's Julia, almost 6, and Lawrence, almost 4, kids of Rhandy's youngest sister Jen. Then there's John-john, also almost 6, who's the son of Rhandy's older brother. Manong (a term used as respect for an older brother) Boy, and then of course there's Hannah, my own who's also almost 4 and then Raiden who's only two months old. I am the one who keeps them disciplined. These kids, shall I say, fear me, somewhat. Whenever they try to do something bad, the people here would tell them, thay they'll tell me what they did and so these kids won't do it anymore. Or if one of them did something wrong, the other would call me and tell me what they did and I would get bad, either have them sit on one corner, to go to their rooms. Or if its extremes i would give them one smack on their bottoms. So they are somewhat afraid of me. Going back... I don't really know.. I read books on parenting, read some online but I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing with my children. Though I hope I am and that Hannah and Raiden may learn to appreciate all I'm doing for them right now.

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