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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

On turning 30...

On the 27th I turn 30.

When I started this post, I thought what have I got to say? well, what went thru my mind was this, I'm turning 30 in over a weeks time and what have I got to show for it? And I thought, not much. But upon further thinking, I realized that I was wrong to think this! Why? I have got a family. A generally good and loving husband, two great kids, a daughter who constantly suprises me with her intelligence, with her antics. A son who's smile makes me forget all those other concerns. Those alone are accomplishments enough to make me proud to turn 30.

Most of us measure success, achievement and accomplishments by how much money we have, how big our house is or how many cars we have, but slowly I am realizing that this is the wrong way to measure. Success should be measured by how happy and content we are with our lives. My family, we don't have much money and can't really buy everything we want but we are able to keep our heads above water and sometimes even buy something a little extra for us. And that should be enough.

I was thinking that my birthday was coming up and our money isn't even enough to pay all our bills. And I thought to myself, "My goodness how am I ever gonna be able to celebrate my birthday when the money isn't enough to pay our bills." But of course, the kids and their needs will always come first, since what we have saved for my birthday ended up being spent on milk and diapers for the 2 kids. Sometimes, I feel frustrated that I can't just go to the mall and buy whatever strikes my fancy like when I was still single. Or buy stuff for my husband and kids without worrying if there will be enough money to cover the bills if I spent much on certain stuff. Even if the kids need certain things, I have to look for the ones that are on sale or on a bargain, that more often than not frustrates the hell out of me. I remember I saw a blouse that I really liked, but I know I can't just buy it. I have to think of what other essentials that can be bought by the money I will be spending on the blouse. So I ended up just looking at the blouse and not buying it at all. It really makes me sad up to a certain point. I call those times my money woes. hahahaha.

So much for that, I am just hoping that my birthday will be happy, with or without any big or small celebration I hope that the day will be happy for me and problem free, lately I have found myself worrying and getting mad at the littlest things. Well, I blame it on my hormones that hadn't quite gotten back to normal yet. Hahaha.... But I actually do hope that, when my birthday comes I will have a real happy day

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